From Bayeux to Sarlat (Days 8 through 10)

Sorry for disappearing for a while. Nothing bad happened, it's just that the Wifi access in our Loire hotel was a little slow for the uploading of photos. So you're getting 3 days worth of commentary in one blog post.

Day 8 - Climbing the Mont

When we last left we'd just been turned away from both the Bayeux tapestry and the Bayeux Cathedral. Well, joy of joys, both were open the following morning. Pictures weren't allowed inside the Bayeux tapestry, but here's the general story provided by the very long piece of linen it's sewed on.

King Edward of Englad sent his half brother Harold to tell William of Normandy he could have the throne of England on Edward's death. During his journey across the channel, Harold got off course and then captured by some enemies for trespassing. William freed Harold, invited him along on a successful war campaign and eventually made him swear allegiance to William on two (yes, two) holy relics. Harold went back to England, waited for Edward to die, and crowned himself king. William, pissed as all get out, stormed across the channel and stuck a wayward arrow in Harold's eye.

Moral? The same as the one we got from our tour of the Normandy coast the day before. Don't break treaties of non-agression.

As usual, the cathedral was very pretty inside.

And it had some need and very old looking pictures in the crypts. [Note: Handler 1 almost never uses flash on her camera. So, if you see a scene that looks like it would have required a flash, it probably didn't. Please don't think Handler 1 goes around taking flash photos of everything, because she doesn't.]

It was time to jump in the car and take off across the Contentin peninsula, until we came to, medieval Mont St. Michel!

Mont St. Michel is surrounded by a giant tidal mud flat.

It's apparently been a tourist town ever since the 17th century or so, and the town is full of silly souvenier shops and creperies. Brittany (which is right next door to Mont St. Michel) is famous for its crepes. Mont St. Michel (as became obvious to the Handlers after trying some) is not.

The town did have a nice abbey at the very top of the mount. where the Handlers saw monks in North Face jackets and some interesting architecture.

Unfortunately, in order to arrive at our hotel in a timely manner, we had to skip Alligator Bay. Shucks!

We arrived at our hotel in Amboise to find it very nice, though not quite as nice as the place we had left.

Day 9 - Cruising the Loire Valley

The Loire valley is like a Who's Who of beautiful castles, and we had a number to visit today. First was Chambord, the largest, originally conceptualized as a hunting lodge for Francois I (which he eventually spent all of 70 some days of his reign living at). The size and splendor of this place encouraged Handler 2 to upgrade his feelings about Louis XIV to apply to all French kings.

"Hunting Lodge"

Chambord is famous for its spiral staircases (as shown here).

The next chateau on the lost was Chenonceau. Having been primarily built and desgned by women, this castle has a more refined air about it. The Handlers liked it better than Chambord because it was unpretentious (and much nicer to photograph).

It also had a labyrinth. The Handlers love a good labyrinth.

Where's David Bowie?

Since Handler 1 had missed out on a winery tour in Champagne, Handler 2 decided to placate her by offering her a tour of a winery in the Loire. What ensued was a 45 minute jaunt through old quarry caves full of wine, on a tour given entirely in French. The Handlers had no idea what was being said, but they liked the tasting that went along with the tour!

Our rapid route back through Amboise took us up streets like this. Yeah, Handler 2 is having a great time driving.

We arrived at Clos Luce at 5:08, saw the sign clearly indicating that the site closed at 6pm, and went inside...only to be pushed back out again by a rather insistent woman repeatedly saying that the place was "ferme".

Okay, so in France closing times are kind of a "suggestion". French sites may close anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour before their posted closing times. You know what I call that? Yeah, I thought so. You all know, so I don't have to breach the sanctity of this blog with bad words (children could be reading, you know).

Having been kicked out of Clos Luce, and with daylight to burn, we decided to accomplish something that had been weighing on us for a little while, that being the state of our clothes. We needed to wash them, and there was a laundrette about 3 blocks from our hotel.

So, what with having to ask some local kids how to work the machines (no, it was not intuitive) possibly overloading our washer ("Oh dear God, it's the washer of doom!"), and not having time for a second load in the dryer, this was the resulting scene in our bathroom that evening.

We had a nice dinner reservation in the restaurant downstairs...which resulted in a rather funny incident that the Handlers will have to tell you about sometime when there's more time for elabortion. There was lots of cheese and mushrooms involved, and that's all I'm at liberty to say right now.

Day 10 - Sarlat-la-Caneda: Where Geese Fear to Tread

Amboise's claim to fame is that Francois I gave a house located there to his good friend, and favorite painter, Leonardo Da Vinci. Da Vinci spent the last 3 years of his life here, making sketches of the Amboise chateau and developing more ingenious inventions that (then modern) science did not have sufficient power to operate. The house, known as Clos Luce, was actually open this morning.

The garden of the house was filled with scale (sort of working) models of some of the inventions from Da Vinci's notebooks. The whole place was very hands on. According to Handler 2, it was a lot like Greenfield Village...except entirely about Leonardo Da Vinci.

Here's Handler 2 playing with the Archimedes screw.

After playing with all the fun stuff in Da Vinci's garden (he even had a jungle gym!) we decided it was time to hit the road for our next destination. We headed generally south towards Sarlat, passing through the city of Limoges. Originally, Handler 1 had planned to make a stop in this town to visit a porcelain factory, however, she belatedly determined that they were all closed on Sundays, and so instead we passed on through and made it to the Dordogne region ahead of schedule.

Having a bit of time on our hands we decided to see if we could fit in a site or two. We decided to go to the Lascaux caves...no, not the real Lascaux caves...those have been closed since the 60's, but a replica which was made to show you what the neolithic pictures inside should look like. The Handlers embarked on yet another completely unintelligible French tour, during which they were prohibited from taking photos. The pictures of prehistoric animals were nice, but we would have preferred to at least have and English language flyer telling us something about them. We couldn't even buy an interpretive book about the caves afterwards becuase the book shop was closed when we left. Seriously, who closes a book shop before the last tour of the day gets out? Not only that, they locked up the collectable coin machine (Handler 2 is in one of his "collecting" phases...bear with him).

After that we headed to our Sarlat hotel which appears to be entirely furnished by IKEA. Strangely. absolutely everything (including the lights in your room) are controlled by your room key card. We then walked into the old medieval town to look for some dinner.

So, before the trip, Handler 1's stucdies had shown that the Dordogne was famous for its production of black truffles and foie gras; she just wasn't aware exactly how into the local produce they are in Sarlat. You can seriously purchase foie gras in every corner store. You can get it as an appetizer in every restaurant (no matter how minor). The whole place appears to be dedicated to killing geese. They have an entirely goose-based economy.

Tomorrow, we go to see real Cro-Magon caves! And, possibly get the Plucky Puegot fixed.

Quote of the Day: "No, the Mexican wrestlers are Nazis, too. See, he's got a swastika arm band." (Commentary on French TV)

Suicidal Ents of the Normandy Coast

Contrary to popular belief, the ent, that creature of legend, is not a myth. While extinct in North America, it's a well known fact that they still exist in small enclaves in England and mainland Europe. However, they are solitary creatures, and rarely show themselves in public. Encountering one of these majestic creatures is considered both a privilege and an honor, as they tend to shun human kind, preferring the solitary forests where humans rarely venture.

Thus, you can imagine my surprise, when we encountered this awesome beast right outside of our Normandy hotel. It must have been on a journey somewhere, and happened to cross through the parking lot just as I was backing up to embark on our daily adventures. For what was once clear, was not, and where there was no tree, there suddenly was a tree. But, as you know, trees don't move, and they certainly don't walk in front of moving vehicles.

This tree, however, did, and therefore, must have been the ent of lore. In fact, now that I think about it, this ent must have been depressed, for why else would it park itself right behind a reversing car? Perhaps it was trying to end its lonely existance, perhaps it only wanted contact--any contact at all.

Regardless, it lept in front of our car, and myself, unable to stop it, managed to hit its leg. Sadly, ents, being massive creatures, are quite difficult to hurt, much less injure, with a Puegot of all things, and we didn't even give the thing so much as a scratch. I tried speaking to the ent, but alas, he was too depressed to say anything--I could not even get him to exchange insurance information.

I do hope that he manages to get himself some help; ents are so rare nowadays, and I hate to think of the mental anguish that would cause him to leap in front of a moving car. Still, I feel honored enough to have seen one, and hope that someday, I may see another. He did allow me to take a picture though:

Observe the mournful expression

In conclusion, that f-ing gnome is a damn liar, and that tree was so not there.

Day 7 - Of Detours and Destruction

Hey folks! Welcome back!

In case we didn't convey last night how awesome our Bayeux digs are, here's a picture of the former 18th century mansion we're staying at.


It was as we were leaving our lodgings this morning that our troubles began. Despite having lots of room, and a reverse alarm that beeps loudly whenever he's about to hit something, Handler 2 managed to back into a large sycamore (yes, Handler 1 did, in fact, take the time to identify the tree).

Here's the damage.

Handler 2 just has no luck with rental cars.

Oh well, there's nothing we can do about it now, so we took off into wilds of Normany to go sunbathing.

Wait...there's no sunbathing? We're going to a beach aren't we? What do you mean it's too cold today? We, regardless, here we are at Utah beach! That's the D-Day landing site farthest to the left (west) as you look at a map.

Also, of interest to pretty much only Handler 1, there were people trining racing trotters on the sand.

On our way to the next stop, we took a quick side trip through the town of Carentan (featured prominently in the TV series, Band of Brothers), then headed out towards Ponte du Hoc (where US rangers made a famous assault up a cliff). Unfortunately, we met a detour sign which took us from our path. At first, this was an enjoyable side track. We got to cruise through idyllic parts of the French countryside you wouldn't normally get to see. And Handler 2 got to drive through harrowing things such as this.

That reminds me, Handler 2, in general, is doing very well at not freaking out while driving in pressure situations in a car he's not familiar with, within a foreign country. That doesn't mean that he doesn't freak out a little, but he's justified in doing so. For instance, France is full of suicidal motorcyclists. The night before, while traveling to Bayeux, we saw one such individual who shows you exactly what we mean by suicidal. He was riding his motorbike (more of a scooter, really)...on the highway....at night....without his lights on. Yeah...crazy.

Handler 1 was becoming disturbed because we did not seem to be being routed back to Ponte du Hoc...in fact we seemed to be being herded farter and farther from the coast. After we passed where Omaha Bech should be (having left Ponte du Hoc far behind) she really got...displeased is probably a good word. After being routed in this incredibly stupid manner for some time, we gave up on following the detour signs. This turned out to be the correct thing to do because, even though we couldn't get to Ponte du Hoc, we did manage to find our way to Omaha beach, and finally to the American Cemetary.

There, a guide indicated to us that the roads leading to Ponte du Hoc were closed that day because a number of potentially still live mines had just been discovered and they were in the act of being removed. Think about that for a moment...it's been almost 70 years since those were placed, and they just now found them.

One thing about the American Cemetary, which was also true at Utah and Omah beches as well, it was all very peaceful. All very quiet. With beautiful views out over the water.

Giving up on Ponte du Hoc, we traveled onwards to Longues sur Mer, which is the only place where you can see the German guns intact in their emplcements.

Here's the view from the cliffs at Longues sur Mer (you can see the remains of the mulberry harbour at Arromanches way off in in the background).

What's a mulberry harbour? It's a harbour created by sinking platforms and then linking the platforms up with floating docks to the shore. This allowed large ships to dock and unload cargo even though the Allies didn't yet have control of a deep water harbor. Pretty neat, huh?

And here we re at Arromanches, where the mulberry harbour was actually built.

There was still daylight left to burn, and Handler 1 thought we could make it to Bayeux in time to see the famous Bayeux Tapestry before the museum closed. So we jumped in the Plucky Pugeot and headed back into town. It took us a while to find parking, and a little bit longer to navigate the tiny streets of Bayeux, but we finlly made it to the tapestry museum!

Only to find out that the last entrance permitted was 45 minutes before the closing time, and we had missed it by about 15 minutes.

Depressed at yet again missing out on a good site (but knowing that Handler 1 had planned for us to see it tomorrow anyways) we decided to take a look at Bayeux's tiny cathedral. The light was just right at this time of day, and the whole building was just beatiful. It may not be as big as some others, but it makes up for what it lacks in a delicacy of style that Handler 1 really appreciated.

After taking pictures of the outside, we headed inside...only to realize that the cathedral (like everything else recently) had just closed for the day.

Having been now thwarted at every turn, the Handlers thought they would pop into a gift shop (that, at least, was open). You see, they'd tried to get a Christmas tree ornament (their vacation habit) from the D-Day sites, but had found very few museum shops. As such, they thought they might be able to find a Normndy themed ornment in the tacky souvenier plce next to the cathedral. Wonder of wonders, they did! And they brought it up to the counter to pay for it...and Handler 2 dropped it.

It promptly broke into five pieces, which the Handlers dutifully collected and paid for, and Handler 2 swore he'd glue it later that evening.

Then it began to rain.

The Handlers made it back to their car, picked up their raincoats, and heded back into town to find someplace to eat. They eventually found a likely place and ordered what looked to be a good meal (don'tworry, it was...this story isn't all horrible). Soon, another American couple was seated next to them and they struck up a conversation which then proceeded throughout all of their dinners. These nice folks totally turned the thus far disappointing day around, and we were able to head back to our lovely hotel in a mindset that was something like contentment.

Tomorrow, Bayeux Part Deux and Mont St. Michel!

New Trip Strategy: Meh. If something happens that's not in our plans, the correct response is "Meh".

Quote of the Day: "Who's a pretty Cathedral?Yes, you are. Oh, who went and put that tree in front of you, that ws silly."

Day 6 - Paris to Metz to Forbach to Reims to Bayeux

Hello folks! I'm back, and I'm here with my new partner in crime, the Plucky Pugeot. We picked him up in Metz after taking a (God awful) early train there from Paris. The Plucky Pugeot is actully a really nice car, with a bunch of useful features...including navigation...which makes Handler 1 feel a bit useless with all her maps.



Our plan, once picking up the car was to head to Forbach, a town of great significance to our family. However, first, Handler 2 had an important stop to make in a little village called Hamburg-Haut, at this vending machine.

Bread!

Yes, it's an automatic bread machine. Handler 2 took us out of our way and nearly got us lost on our first day driving in France, for vending mchine baguettes.

Arriving in Forbach, we queried the helpful folks at the tourist office, and eventually found our way to the places we were looking for. Here is the square where Handler 2's grandfather was shot during WWII. In the far background you can see the Schloss (that's castle...in German!).

We traced great-grandhandler John's footsteps all over Forbach, and eventually mde our way up to the ruins on the hill above the town. This is what remains.


After climbing down, we hopped back in PP, drove right past Metz, on our way to Reims.

Our first stop was the mighty cathedral. This was much bigger than Notre Dame, and possibly a bit prettier. It's also famoud for being the site where French kings were trditionally crowned.



As usual, the cathedral was lovely.

We did a little more wandering around Reims, seeing an old Roman arch and some other interesting sites. We tried to get into a champagne house for a tasting, but unfirtunately, they were all clo-

No, forget it, I have to jump in here a moment. I have to g et this off my chest. Champagne, the entire region, is a LIE. It is a lie perpetrated by annoying French-persons who like a good joke. They have the world convinced that champagne (all of it consumed all over the world) comes from this area of France. But here's the conspiracy: There is no champagne in the Champagne region of France. Not a bottle. Not a grape. Handler 2 and I drove all over that region and did not see one, not one, grape vine. Not only that, but all the tasting houses we tried to get into had mysteriously "closed" for the evening. Yeah, right. Just trying to throw us off of the scent. It is our civic duty to make this scandal known to everyone. Throw out your Champagne! Stop being a tool of the wine establishment! Write your-

Okay, okay, that's enough for now. Sorry folks, Handler 1 is a bit touchy that she came all the way to the Champagne region and couldn't even get into a champagne tasting.

Ariving late at our Bayeux hotel, we found out what a difference moving to the county (and an extra paltry 15 eruos a night) makes.

Viva la difference!

Quote of Day 5 (which we remembered):

I like big buttresses and I cannot lie!

Quote of the Day:

Oooooh! - Said in tandem as the Handlers figured out how to change the navigation/audio display panel to English.

Day 5 - Paris - Where the Throngs and the Songs Continue

For our 1st full day in Paris, we went out looking for an authentic Parisian experience. We decided on having a petite dejeuner Francais (breakfast) at a real Parisian cafe.


Handler 1 had pain au chocolat for the third morning in a row, and Handler 2 had a croissant. How French is that?!

Our first stop of the day was the artist collective of Monmartre. We decided to ride the funiculr to the top of the hill partly because it's a bit of a climb up, and partly because it was included on our metro passes, but mostly because funiculars are cool! It's fun to say, too. Funicular. Hee hee.

All the way up to the Bsilica de Sacre-Coeur.

Eh, hving just seen Notre Dame the day before, we were not all that impressed. We also examined the crypt beneath the basilica, which contained this morbid stained glass window, which foreshadows the sights which awaited the Handlers later in the day.

The Handlers then wound their way down the hill and through Montmarte, to the famous Moulin Rouge.

Not as impressive as in the movies.

Next on the Handlers' list was the catacombs. For those not in the know, a long time ago Paris intellectuals were trying to figure out why everyone was getting sick all the time, and someone eventually came up with the idea that it might have something to do with the overcrowded cemeteries in the heart of the city. So, in a tremendous act of civic "improvement", the entire cemetery of Les Innocents was exhumed and reburied in stone quarries. These became the catacombs, now a major tourist attraction!

After long flight of steps down (No seriously, what is it with Parisians and spiral staircases? The Handlers have been up and down so many in the past few days they're getting dizzy!) and about a kilometer long jaunt through spooky drkened hallways in the quarry rock, we came to the main attraction...the bones.

Yeah, it's kind of spooky. Walls and walls of that stuff, sometimes stcked into interesting patterns. After arising from the depths, Handler 1 had no other plans for the day. She's been trying to keep the sightseeing to 3 items a day, but as Handler 2 pointed out, it was only 4:30. There should be lots of time to get additional sightseeing done before dinner. So off we went!

We started with the Place du Concorde, which is what the Parisians (glass is half full people that they are) named this square after they had used it to publicly guillotine first their royal overlords, and then their original revolutionary leaders.

We stopped by the Seine, for an obligtory photo, before continuing on through the Tuileries gardens.

Next we went to view the outside of the Louvre (which ws closed) to make Handler 2 feel better about all he missed yesterday. The Louvre really is just too big to do in one sitting. We passed by a part of the museum where you could see inside...to a wing we didn't even set foot into the day before.
We also stopped by the most famoud place in France (that isn't there anymore). The Place de Bastille, marking approximately where the Bastille prison used to stand before it was razed. By this time Handler 2 was hungry, which apparently made his feet hurt more, so it was time for dinner.

The restaurant, which Handler 1 chose from it's description in her Frnce travel book, is situated right next to a circus, and is filled with evil clown paranphrenalia.

Dinner at the Clown Bar was actually very good. The proprietor there was very nice to us even though we were way early for diners in Paris (he actually rn out of the restaurant after seating us and quickly came bck with bread to serve!). He explained the menu, and even gave us drinks on the house! Afterwards we heded back to the hotel, knowing we had to start packing and getting ready for tomorrow. However, we made a stop off at the local gelato place first. One thing is certain, America needs more gelato!

Gingerbread on the left, Raspberry and Chocolate on the right, both scooped into flower shapes..

Tomorrow, we hop an early train for Metz, where we'll pick up the vehicle we'll be driving around the rest of France. If all goes well, maybe I'll be feeling good enough to show up in a few photos this time (I know that's what you've all bee waiting for).

Day 4 - Paris

Okay, okay....for those of you wondering why there aren't more pictures of me, I have to admit I've been a little indisposed ever since I got here and have been sticking close to the room. However, I have been dutifully sending out my Handlers every day to make certain that we have excellent blog material. I hope to be back on my feet (literally) soon.

The Handlers were up bright and early this morning, picking up a walking breakfast from the local boulangerie, and heading out to their first site of the day; the Musee de Cluny.




Handler 2 was very unhappy to find out that it was not, actually, a museum in celebration of Clooney, his favorite actor (and man crush). Unfortunately the Cluny (whose other name is the Musee du Moyen Age) contains artwork from the middle ages. It's claim to fame is the beautiful "Lady and the Unicorn" tapestry series (which is in a dark room and does not translate well to photography).

This museum is housed partly in a 15th century abbey, and partly in Gallo-Roman baths. Unfortunately, the baths area was closed. But here's a part of the former abbey below.


There were some really detailed and amazing examples of stained glass as well.

For all our fencing peeps, a medival instruction booklet.

After the Cluny, it was time for a little religion. We were heading for the famous Notre Dame cathedral. On the way, Handler 2 spotted this cool fountain!

Arriving at Notre Dame, we decided to begin our tour with a trip up into the towers to see the giant bells. As this required us to stand in yet another seemingly endless queue, we decided to grab lunch. We had yet more ham and cheese sandwiches (with brownies) which were really quite good, and easy to eat while standing in line.

We finally made it to the front and entered the towers. Once again, there was no elevator option.

Taking a breather.

Once up on the roof (some 400+ steps later), we were treated to another spectacular view, and a bunch of gargoyles.

No, I mean it, there were a LOT of gargoyles.

Back on the ground, and legs shaking, we decided to hurry through the rest of our tour of the cathedral, as there wasn't much time left in the day, and we still had much of Paris to explore.

It was now time to move inside. Notre Dame may not be as big as some other cathedrals (Canterbury, which both Handlers have been to before, comes to mind), but it does have it's charms.

Here's another spectacular shot of the interior. Cathedrals just seem to lend themselves to black and white photography. Handler 1 was very pleased and thinks she got a number of "wall hangers".

Having seen our fill of churches for one day, we decided to move on to more secular entertainments. We arrived at the Louvre museum and this skylight, which is also a chalice...or a metaphorical representation of woman....or the focus of a sloppily written Dan Brown novel. Or, you know, it could just be a skylight.

Unfortunately, we only had few hours to give to the massive, unending, cournacopia of art that is the Louvre, but we did manage to hit the "Louvre Trifecta".

First up, the Venus de Milo.

Next, Nike. Winged Victory for those of you familiar with Greek. A sports shoe for those of you more familiar with fashion.

And....the main attraction....the lady with the enigmatic smile who needs no introduction...

There were a couple other things to see there, too. Like this really bored classical sculpture.

Meh.

Handler 2, who is a classics freak, wanted to spend more time at the Louvre string at status of naked women. He claims it's from a love of scholarship....whatever. He will have to be content with what little time we were able to spend.

Tomorrow we close out Paris and the next day, move on to less urban (if not necessarily greener) pastues.

Interesting Fact of the Day: Quote of the day was unfortunately forgotten.

There is a roulette channel in France....where you can bet by phone...on CGI roulette....that is all.