Bo's Vacation Tutorial for Disney Noobz - Part 1: Getting There is Half the Fun!

Hello everyone! We made it to Walt Disney World!

 

For some strange reason the Handlers insisted I travel in this special safety suit.

Ah, that's better.

 I'm currently reporting to you from the humidity capital of the lower 48 states, Orlando, to give you Part 1 of my advice for clueless Disney vacationers.  This post is all about transportation. 

There are, generally, two ways to get to Disney from afar: (1) you can drive yourself or (2) you can fly into Orlando international airport.  There are some instances where driving makes a lot of sense, but the Handlers live in the great white north, so they decided to fly.  If you're staying on Disney property, you can arrange for transportation to your hotel via Disney's Magical Express at no additional cost.

The folks at the Magical Express can even pick up your checked luggage for you and deliver it to your room; which is a great benefit if you've got a bunch of bags you don't want to lug around. For example:

Oh I'm sorry, that's not what the Handlers packed for this trip!  That's the pile of luggage sent to the grandhandler's house with The Nuisance.*

Once you're safely on property, you'll need to get around between the entertainment areas and your hotel.  If you drove or rented a car, you can always drive yourself.  Many people feel that it's ultimately a faster means of getting around, and parking fees are waived for Disney resort guests.  However, this holds true for all of the Disney parks except the Magic Kingdom.  This is because the parking lot is nowhere near the park!!! Just keep that in mind.

Disney has a number of means for shuttling it's "guests" about:

Boats

 

The boats run between some resorts and some of the parks, and it's good to know which ones go where.

 

Magic Kingdom - Boats run between the Magic Kingdom and the Contemporary, Polynesian, Grand Floridian, WIlderness Lodge, and Fort Wilderness campground.  You can also take a boat to and from the Transportation and Ticket Center (which is where you'll end up if you drive yourself).

 

Epcot/Disney Hollywood Studios - Boats run between Epcot and Disney Hollywood Studios parks and, as an added bonus, make stops at the Swan, Dolphin, Beach Club, Yacht Club and Boardwalk resorts.  Please note that these boats depart Epcot outside of the "International Gateway", and not the front of the park.

 

Downtown Disney - Boats run between several docks at Downtown Disney and between the Port Orleans and Saratoga Springs resorts.

 

Trams



 

 

 

See, driving yourself.  Disney parking lots are BIG.

 



Monorails

 

[THE HANDLERS HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO CAPTURE THE ELUSIVE MONORAIL]

 

Monorails are so much fun many people classify them as a ride and not a form of transportation.  There are two monorail routes.  One goes between the Magic Kingdom and the Contemporary, Polynesian and Grand Floridian resorts.  There's also a monorail to Epcot, which has no hotels on it's route.  Both monorails stop at the Transportation and Ticket Center, allowing for transfers.

 

And the all but ubiquitous, Disney resort bus.

 



Resort buses are the main form of transport around the parks and Disney hotels.  They're generally pretty reliable, and it's fairly rare you need to wait more than 15 minutes for one to arrive.  They're air conditioned and well marked.  The two pictured above are going to Disney's Animal Kingdom (which can only be accessed by bus or non-Disney transportation).

Now, a long time ago, somewhat untrustworthy people figured out they could game the system by utilizing the free Disney resort busses to avoid parking fees.  So, Disney put in a lot of preventative measures to stop this:  There are no busses that go between parks (except water parks that share a bus route with another park).  There are no busses that go between a park and Downtown Disney.  There are no busses that go between Disney hotels.  This can create some problems if, for instance, you are at a park and want to go to Downtown Disney.  How do you get there?  Well, first you have to travel from the park you're in to a hotel (it need not be the one you're staying at) via bus, boat, monorail or what have you.  Then you need to wait for a bus to Downtown Disney and pick that up.  What about if you want to travel between two hotels?  You need to take the bus from the first hotel to a park (or Downtown Disney) and pick up a new bus to the hotel of your choice.

Make sense?  Good, because I'm not going through it again.  And if it's too complicated for you, there's always to old fashioned way.

*Picture does not actually show all of the luggage sent with The Nuisance.  Yes, there was more...

Rerturning After a Long Hiatus

Well, hello everyone! Yes, it has been a long time. Some of that is because the Handlers have been taking very short mini-trips which they did not deign to bring me along for (and I have yet to forgive them!). But, mostly it is because the Handlers decided to take a year off to accomodate their new pet.

 

 

I call her The Nuisance.

 

Luckily she will not be coming with us on our latest adventure.

 
Oh, what is that latest adventure I so casually dropped a hint about?  I thought you'd never ask.  The Handlers, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to visit Walt Disney World.  And in case you're wondering...

YES!! WE'VE ALREADY BEEN THERE!!!

The only explanation I can think of for this massive oversight on the part of the Handlers is that The Nuisance has completely addled their brains.  They apparently have no long term memories that stretch farther back than Christmas of 2010.  Morons. 
 
Anyways, since I've already experienced the "wonder" that is Orlando theme parks, I was somewhat at a loss as to what to put into this blog.  Luckily, Handler 1 let drop that there are a number of readers who may be taking Walt Disney World trips of their own in the not too distant future.  Being a civic-minded gnome, I immediately knew what my duty was.  I will turn this blog, for the duration of our trip, into a tutorial for Disney vacationeers!
 
So, prepare yourselves, loyal readers, for Bo's Vacation Tutorial for Disney Noobz.
 
We leave on June 22nd, which makes this trip less than 3 weeks away.  We'll return on June 30th, which should give us 9 fun-filled days of Disney advice with which to fill these virtual pages.  You can thank me for my hard work later.

Day 25 - The Voyage Home and Pictoral Recap

The morning of our departure we were packed up and sitting on the Circumvesuviana before 6:30 am. Even taking this earliest of trains out of Sorrento, we made it to Naples with barely enough time to catch our scheduled transport back to Rome. We ended up in one of those clasic movie scenes where a family is rushing through some foreign train station dragging their suitcases desperately behind them. It was exactly the sort of situation Handler 1 had wanted to avoid. Alas.

Arriving in Rome, the Handlers found that we had a substantial layover before we had to catch a train to the airport. We decided to take a quick side jaunt to the Basilica of Santa Maria degli Angeli e dei Martiri, which was just across the street from the station, and which Handler 2 dubbed the Church of SCIENCE! The structure was constructed in part of the Baths of Diolcletian (which were unfortunately closed that day), and has been decorated in honor of scientific discoveries. There's a sun dial constructed into the marble floor, and a number of other scientific contraptions decorating the walls. There was also an explanation of the Gallileo excommunication affair (which the Catholic church appears now to feel a bit bad about).

Upon returning to the station, the Handlers found that they probably didn't have enough time to eat, which annoyed Handler 1, who was getting hungry. Instead, we trudged out (once again, 1/4 mile away from the station's main doors) to catch the Leonardo Express to the airport. Once there, the travel back to the states was comparatively uneventful. The grandhandlers picked us up from the Detroit airport, and the Handlers resumed their daily grind the next day.

So, what did we learn from our 3 week European extravaganza? Here's a few gems:

1. Trasportation in Italy...sucks.

2. The common conception of French hautiness and dislike for Americans is exaggerated. Almost all of the French folks we interacted with were absolutely lovely and accomodating.

3. French food is, on the whole, better and cheaper than Italian food.

4. Three hours is not enough time for the Louvre.

5. French kings were assholes.

6. The Italians really don't want you photographing their art. The French couldn't care less what you do with your camera.

7. Do not stay at a zero star hotel in Europe. They are not the equivalent of similar such establishments in America.

8. Get the tourist passes.

9. Strangely enough, you can apparently knock out a taillight on a rental car in Europe and not get billed for it...or at least...we haven't yet.

10. Doing laundry is a terrible waste of good vacation time.

To finish off our narrative, here's a photographic retrospective of the trip, comprised of some of Handler 1's better black and white photos.

































































So what's next for us intrepid travlers? I don't know. For once, the Handlers have no trips planned for the future, and they don't seem to be taking my advice on anything. Perhaps I can convince the grandhandlers to smuggle me into Russia with them this summer! In any case, maybe I'll post a short recap of the Handlers' adventures in Boston (the traitors didn't take me along!). Otherwise, we'll just have to wait and see.

Day 24 - Naples and Other Ruins

Today we were heading back to Naples for a short visit. Seeing as how we'd had so much trouble with the slowness of the Circumvesuviana, and we knew we had to be in Naples bright and early the next day to hop a train to Rome, Handler 2 thought it would be a good idea if we timed how long our trip to Naples would be. It turned out to take just about an hour....which would be cutting it pretty close for the next day. We'd have to leave on the very first train out of Sorrento and hope for no delays in order to be able to make our connections. The Handlers worried, but realaized there was nothing to be done about it just then.

We made our way to the (rather confusing) subway location and picked up a train to the "museum district".

I don't know if you live in a big city, but they're not always the nicest or prettiest of locations. Take Detroit, for instance, where the Handlers work. Large portions of Detroit are not very pretty at all and the Handlers would strongly advise you not to go there. But, in general, cities (even Detroit) try to keep their cultural centers clean and presentable for those tourists that want to visit there.

This is not the way things are done in Naples.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like its a bombed out wasteland or anything. It's just that the Handlers didn't expect the walk from the nearest subway station to one of the most fmaous museums in all of Italy to take them through a very rough seeming park full of sketchy persons and dog doodoo. Lots of dog doodoo. Anywhoo, that's what we call "local color", and it's an important part of travel.

Finally, we arrived at the National Archaeological Museum of Naples. It's got a bunch of big statuary, like this famous representation of the Farnese Bull.

However, the real treasure of this museum is the artwork removed from Pompeii. Apparently, early excavators weren't entirely stupid, because they knew enough to remove some of the best pieces (wall and all) from the city and preserve them indoors. If you're wondering where all the great artistic works of Pompeii are, they're framed in this museum.

This spectacular mosiac depicting Alexander the Great's victory over Darius was removed from the floor of the House of the Faun that we explored yesterday.



There's also an etire room of erotic art.

Mars cops a feel.

Then it was off to Herculaneum, which, much like Pompeii, was covered and preserved by the Vesuvius explosion of 79 AD. Ancient Herculaneum currently rests directly beneath the modern city of Herculaneum. Here you can see present day apartment blocks resting above the 2000 year old cityscape.

Herculaneum used to be right on the shoreline. These are the shipping docks where citizens gathered hoping for an escape by sea (notice the cliff on the right which indicates current ground level).



Herculaneum was closer to Vesuvius than Pompeii. Although you would think this would make it more subject to wholesale destruction, it ultimatelty resulted in the overall preservation of the city. Since Pompeii was farther from the volcano, it experienced less pyroclastic flow (Google it, it's nasty stuff). The result of this was that Pompeii was buried in a lot less dense material. This means that it was easier to dig out, which ultimately contributed to its excavation (read: looting) as early as the 18th centruty. Herculaneum didn't come to light until much more recently, after the advent of modern archaeological techniques.

Additionally, because of the rapidity with which Herculaneum was buried by incredibly hot material, more "organic" materials such as wood and rope managed to survive. In other words, despite being closer to the killing epicenter, Herculaneum is more intact than its better known sister city. That means you get the remains of people's personal effects, like this original sliding door/room divider.



Those wall paintings that remain are in a lot better condition than those at Pompeii, as well.



The houses even have second stories (here the wood of the balcony has been added, and the roofs, but the rest is original.)



Sometimes, the intact upper floors still retained their painted ceilings.



And there are a bunch more mosaics than you could find in Pompeii.



The people of Herculaneum want you to know that they are not, and never have been, Nazis.

All in all, Herculaneum was more "complete" than Ponpeii, despite being smaller. And so, though the grandhandlers had warned us we would be disappointed with the site after visiting Pompeii, we really weren't.



Oh, and then there was this shrine to Cuthullu.



No seriously, Handler 1 found this random cave leading into the hillside. There were no lights and, seeing as how it was getting dark outside, we could barely see to pick our way into it. This creepy statue was there along with some sort of plaque which we couldn't read. We have no idea what it was but, apparently, if we had continued on up the passage through parts that are blocked to the public, we would have come upon a partially excavated theatre, that is still under the hill on which the visitors center is located.

As the evening advanced, the lights inside the more complete of the Herculaneum homes began to shine out onto the ancient streets. If you didn't know better, you could almost imagine that people still lived in those houses and that the warm glow of hearth fires was peeking through windows and helping to guide the way of passers-by.



With heavy hearts, we traveled back to our Sorrento digs, packed up for one final time, and grabbed dinner (nothing special) at a restaurant a bit off the main Sorrento drag. We'd have a loooong trip on the following day, going from Sorrento back to Detroit, following the sun. A good preparation rest was in order. So, knowing that the next time we slept it would be in our own beds, for the first time in a long time, we went unhappily to sleep.