Bo's Vacation Tutorial for Disney noobz - Part 4 - Profiling the Magic Kingdom

Ah yes, the Happiest Place on Earth!*

There are no questions here about whether there's enough for kids to do.  More frequently, the questions asked involve maximizing time and family fun.  Luckily Disney knows the pain of thousands of parents who have been forced to fight withering heat and annoying crowds in order for their little darlings to have the chance to wait 70 minutes in line for the Peter Pan ride (fastpass highly suggested).

Not that crowded.

Luckily, there are some features in place to help with this situation.  We've already covered fastpasses (please tell me you get that fastpasses are an important part of a happy Disney vacation), but one ride was always difficult to get on based upon its extreme popularity and poor loading ability. 

Yes, the classic Dumbo was always a sure bet for a long line in the sun, but you just have to do it because no matter how lame of a ride it actually is, a Disney vacation is not "real" until you have a photo of the kids in a flying elephant.  Well, during its recent re-vamp of Fantasyland, Disney updated Dumbo with significant improvements.  There are now twin dumbo circles, meaning the ride loads twice as fast.  Additionally, you see that big tent?  It hides this:

An air conditioned play area.

That's right, now when you come up to Dumbo there's no more fear of sweating and crying and misery.  A cast member will hand you one of these jobbies, more frequently seen at eating establishments:

And you can wait for it to go off in coolness while your kids climb all over the big top.  Apparently, the only difficulty is corraling your kids once your time arrives.  Similarly, the Haunted Mansion, Winnie the Pooh (fastpass recommended), and Space Mountain (fastpass highly suggested) also have interactive queues, though not as convenient as Dumbo's.  Many other rides throughout Walt Disney World have interesting lines which, if nothing else, can help you keep the kiddies entertained while they do have to wait.

One thing you can't get fastpasses for (yet, I hear they're coming) is the parades and fireworks.  The Magic Kingdom has fireworks every night and, although some spots are considered prime viewing areas, you can pretty much see them from anywhere in the park.  The Handlers watched them from behind the castle the other night which was pretty cool, as that way you get the fireworks lauching on both sides of you.  Regardless, people start staking out their spots for these things 1+ hour before the event.  That's an hour of lost riding time the Handlers just cannot condone.  Also, parades are lame.

Some are less lame than others.

However, there are usually 3 parades per day.  One is at 3pm, one is before the fireworks and one (which is exactly the same as the one before the fireworks) is at the very end of the day.  If you or your children simply must see a parade, just do remember that it will be difficult to get a good spot unless you stake one out beforehand  (or stay up for the very last one).  Also, the parades shut down whole areas of the park and make it difficult to move around.  So, if you have someplace to be (for a fastpass, for instance) it's best to make sure you're on the right side of the road before it begins.

Personally, the Handlers see the cast members putting up the tape and ropes in preparation for a parade and run the other direction.

You might also be worried about the heat.  In just about every park there are stations in various areas with misters or water play features to help you and your little ones keep cool.

Disney is not about having you collapse from heat exhaustion (a not uncommon problem, we saw some EMS guys with a stretcher just yesterday).  You are allowed to bring non-alcoholic drinks in non-glass containers into the parks.  There are water fountains all over.  Pretty much every food stand you see is willing and able to provide you with a free glass of cold water upon request.  Please, if you're feeling hot, do something about it.  Wear a hat.  Put on sunscreen.  Buy one of those fan/mister contraptions that are so popular.

Finally, for those of you who are gaming fans, Disney has developed something to entertain you as well.  It's called Sorcerers of the Magic Kingdom and it is, at it's most basic, a collectible card game.  You get cards from the fire station (they're free, but you can buy more if you become obsessed) on Main Street, then you go around to different points on the map and use the cards to interact with hidden video screens.

The cards contain "spells", which you use to defeat villans.  And, of course, you can trade for better or rarer cards with random junkies.

Magic the Gathering, eat your heart out.

Although this is fun, the Handlers are not certain they'd suggest it for a first time visit.  For one, you need to have a pretty good knowledge of the Magic Kingdom already to find all the hidden places, and it's kind of a time suck.  You need that time for rides, damnit!

So there you go, your personal guide to the Magic Kingdom.

*Technically, Disneyland.

Bo's Vacation Tutorial for Disney Noobz - Part 3 - Profiling Epcot

Having given you a brief overview, I now feel it's time to address the parks on a more individual level.  A common question people ask is, whether there is anything for kids to do at Epcot?

No, Disney became the number one family vacation destination in the world by ignoring its core demographic.

For some reason (probably the booze) Epcot gets a reputation as being the least kid friendly (and correspondingly, the most adult friendly) of the four major parks.  But there is much for kids to do.  First, in Future World (the first part you see when you enter) there are rides, many of which are aimed at the younger set.  At Test Track (fastpass recommended), you can design a car and then see how well it performs against other cars in various categories (also, you can race nearly 70 mph with the top down).  If the centrifuge at Mission Space is too intense, there's a really fun interactive game for kids to play.

In the Living Seas there is a massive aquarium complex full of interesting animals.

In the Land pavilion you can ride the ever popular Soarin' (fastpass highly suggested) and/or take a boat ride through Disney's experimental gardens.

A giant Mickey head made of hops!

There's an area known as Club Cool (pictured because it's kind of hard to find...it's towards the right after you pass Spaceship Earth...which is the giant golf ball).

 

Here is a whole bunch of Coke themed merchandise and you can try interesting flavors of pop from around the world.*



You should definitely have your kids try the one from Italy.

Finally, on both sides of the big golf ball is Innoventions; a location many people just pass by entirely.  However, they're full of hands on fun things for kids to do.  For instance, the Handlers can't get enough of this "game" which involves identifying the potential fire hazards in a fake house.

And then there's the world showcase, which most people thing is mainly for adults.  Although you can partake of many varied alcoholic beverages in the world showcase, that does not mean there is nothing for kids to do.  For one, you can sign up for an Agent P interactive adventure that will take you through all of the countries and requie you to seek out information about each. Plus, each country plays host to interesting performances; like this woman in Japan who makes intricate animals out of lumps of sugar.

America has a fife and drum corps (and an acapella group...and a really cool show with awesome animatronics)

China has terra cotta warriors.

 

And Canada has adowable wittle bunnies!

So as you can see, there is a lot for you and your family to see and experience in Epcot.

*There is no Pepsi in Walt Disney World.  Deal.

Bo's Vacation Tutorial for Disney Noobz - Part 2: We're Here, Now What?!

Today we're going to talk about what there is to do at the Walt Disney World Resort.  The first thing you have to know about WDW is it is big.  Like, big big.  Look, when entering "property" the first thing you'll see is this sign:

After that, everything you see, everything you touch will be Disney.  Even the things which aren't specifically Disney (for instance, the controversial Starbucks on Mainstreet USA) pay homage to the Mouse in rent and/or animal sacrifices.

As you are likely already aware, Walt Disney World consists of four theme parks.  First and formost is the Magic Kingdom.

AKA, the one with the castle.

 

Epcot

 

AKA, the one with the giant golf ball.

 

Disney Hollywood Studios

 

AKA, Disney MGM Studios....don't ask.

 

And.....Animal Kingdom.

 

AKA, the one with absolutely no dragons, despite what this sign may indicate.

 

Is that not enough for you?  Well, you're in luck, cause there's lots more to do at WDW.  There are 2 water parks, Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon, which are both worth at least a half day's visit.  There are two shopping/dining/entertainment districts, the Boardwalk and Downtown Disney. There are two mini-golf locations, Winter Summerland and Fantasia Gardens.  Here's a picture of the "playful faun" hole at the latter:

 

Get your mind out of the gutter.

 

In addition, there's two golf courses, the Wide World of Sports complex, the Richard Petty Driving Experience, horseback riding, bass fishing, parasailing, nature trails, all the crazy shit that the people at Fort Wilderness Campgrounds engage in, bonfires with smores, dinner shows, DisneyQuest, Cirque du Soleil, backstage tours, bowling, dine in movies, special events around the holidays and....well, there's a bloody lot, okay?

 

So how do you do it all?  You don't.  It's just not possible.  The Handlers have been here how many times?  Six? And they still haven't done everything they want to.  So really the question you need to ask is, how do I maximize my time to see as much as possible?

 

Suggestion 1 - Get a map.  The Handlers roll without a map, but they're what's know as Disney "experts".  Even so, they found themselves a little lost recently while exploring the "new" Fantasyland.  So, get a map first thing.  Circle your "must do's", and concentrate on them.

 

Suggestion 2 - Use the Fastpass system.  These are fastpasses:

 

Greatest invention since sliced bread.

 

The fastpasses have an hour long time slot listed on them.  If you return to the ride where you picked them up during the hour, you will be put in a much, much shorter line.  I don't know if you can see in this picture, but there's also another time listed, which is when you can pick up another fastpass, so yes, you can have more than one fastpass at a time in your hand.  In general, if at any point you find you don't have a fastpass or two in hand, get one! 

 

How do you get one?  Well, most high volume attractions and many of the character meet and greets will have a "fastpass distribution" location near the entrance.  Above the distribution point will be a sign showing the time slot being distrbuted by fast passes at that time.

 

 

Here we're using Toy Story Midway Mania as an example.  Now, most rides have fastpasses available throughout the day, but TSMM is an anomaly.  For some reason, people go CRAZY for this ride and fastpasses disappear quickly.  In the photo above, fastpasses are being distributed for a return time around 7pm.  This picture was taken at 10:30 am.

 

At the distribution point are a number of kiosks.  You put your ticket in and a fastpass will shoot out.  It's that easy.

 

Note: Does not require cast member assistance.  This guy was just being helpful.

 

Fastpasses do not cost extra.  You must return within the window of time printed.  You cannot pick up a fastpass using the ticket of someone who has not actually entered the park, however, you do not have to have all of your party with you to use the fastpass machines.  As such, you could send one member (perhaps a healthy father figure) to run to a fastpass machine and meet up with the slower moving family members at another location.  This is important, say, if you want to ride the aforementioned TSMM and sign up for the Jedi Academy (which should also be done early).

 

What should you use a fastpass for?  That can depend on a lot of things, however, anything with the word "Mountain" in the title is a good bet.  Anything that might be described as a "E-ticket" ride (meaning a thrill ride) is another.

 

Suggestion 3 - Know your "must do's".  Don't plan a vacation around doing everything and picking up favorites along the way.  Have everyone in your party express what they feel they absolutely must do in order to have a successful and happy vacation, then make sure to do those things.  The rest is gravy.

 

Suggestion 4 - Do character meals.  I know what you're thinking.  "I/my kids aren't that interested in characters."  Of course you/they aren't, that's why you're going to Disney World instead of some place immeasurably cheaper with cooler roller coasters.  Look, characters are awesome.  Sure, they're childish, but that's part of the charm.  You THINK you're not interested in characters, and then you hear the awed voices of twenty children exclaiming in chorus about how they just caught a glimpse of the actual Mickey Mouse...and that's when you remember why you're here.  So, you can stand in line to get a photo and a John Hancock from one of these guys.

 

 

Or you can pay a little extra, meet them in air conditioned comfort, and get a fairly good meal out of it too.

 

 

Suggestion 5 - Learn to deal with disappointment.  You cannot do it all.  Realize and accept this prior to your trip, and be zen about it.  Then plan your next trip accordingly.

 

Until next time, folks, have a Disney day!











Bo's Vacation Tutorial for Disney Noobz - Part 1: Getting There is Half the Fun!

Hello everyone! We made it to Walt Disney World!

 

For some strange reason the Handlers insisted I travel in this special safety suit.

Ah, that's better.

 I'm currently reporting to you from the humidity capital of the lower 48 states, Orlando, to give you Part 1 of my advice for clueless Disney vacationers.  This post is all about transportation. 

There are, generally, two ways to get to Disney from afar: (1) you can drive yourself or (2) you can fly into Orlando international airport.  There are some instances where driving makes a lot of sense, but the Handlers live in the great white north, so they decided to fly.  If you're staying on Disney property, you can arrange for transportation to your hotel via Disney's Magical Express at no additional cost.

The folks at the Magical Express can even pick up your checked luggage for you and deliver it to your room; which is a great benefit if you've got a bunch of bags you don't want to lug around. For example:

Oh I'm sorry, that's not what the Handlers packed for this trip!  That's the pile of luggage sent to the grandhandler's house with The Nuisance.*

Once you're safely on property, you'll need to get around between the entertainment areas and your hotel.  If you drove or rented a car, you can always drive yourself.  Many people feel that it's ultimately a faster means of getting around, and parking fees are waived for Disney resort guests.  However, this holds true for all of the Disney parks except the Magic Kingdom.  This is because the parking lot is nowhere near the park!!! Just keep that in mind.

Disney has a number of means for shuttling it's "guests" about:

Boats

 

The boats run between some resorts and some of the parks, and it's good to know which ones go where.

 

Magic Kingdom - Boats run between the Magic Kingdom and the Contemporary, Polynesian, Grand Floridian, WIlderness Lodge, and Fort Wilderness campground.  You can also take a boat to and from the Transportation and Ticket Center (which is where you'll end up if you drive yourself).

 

Epcot/Disney Hollywood Studios - Boats run between Epcot and Disney Hollywood Studios parks and, as an added bonus, make stops at the Swan, Dolphin, Beach Club, Yacht Club and Boardwalk resorts.  Please note that these boats depart Epcot outside of the "International Gateway", and not the front of the park.

 

Downtown Disney - Boats run between several docks at Downtown Disney and between the Port Orleans and Saratoga Springs resorts.

 

Trams



 

 

 

See, driving yourself.  Disney parking lots are BIG.

 



Monorails

 

[THE HANDLERS HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO CAPTURE THE ELUSIVE MONORAIL]

 

Monorails are so much fun many people classify them as a ride and not a form of transportation.  There are two monorail routes.  One goes between the Magic Kingdom and the Contemporary, Polynesian and Grand Floridian resorts.  There's also a monorail to Epcot, which has no hotels on it's route.  Both monorails stop at the Transportation and Ticket Center, allowing for transfers.

 

And the all but ubiquitous, Disney resort bus.

 



Resort buses are the main form of transport around the parks and Disney hotels.  They're generally pretty reliable, and it's fairly rare you need to wait more than 15 minutes for one to arrive.  They're air conditioned and well marked.  The two pictured above are going to Disney's Animal Kingdom (which can only be accessed by bus or non-Disney transportation).

Now, a long time ago, somewhat untrustworthy people figured out they could game the system by utilizing the free Disney resort busses to avoid parking fees.  So, Disney put in a lot of preventative measures to stop this:  There are no busses that go between parks (except water parks that share a bus route with another park).  There are no busses that go between a park and Downtown Disney.  There are no busses that go between Disney hotels.  This can create some problems if, for instance, you are at a park and want to go to Downtown Disney.  How do you get there?  Well, first you have to travel from the park you're in to a hotel (it need not be the one you're staying at) via bus, boat, monorail or what have you.  Then you need to wait for a bus to Downtown Disney and pick that up.  What about if you want to travel between two hotels?  You need to take the bus from the first hotel to a park (or Downtown Disney) and pick up a new bus to the hotel of your choice.

Make sense?  Good, because I'm not going through it again.  And if it's too complicated for you, there's always to old fashioned way.

*Picture does not actually show all of the luggage sent with The Nuisance.  Yes, there was more...

Rerturning After a Long Hiatus

Well, hello everyone! Yes, it has been a long time. Some of that is because the Handlers have been taking very short mini-trips which they did not deign to bring me along for (and I have yet to forgive them!). But, mostly it is because the Handlers decided to take a year off to accomodate their new pet.

 

 

I call her The Nuisance.

 

Luckily she will not be coming with us on our latest adventure.

 
Oh, what is that latest adventure I so casually dropped a hint about?  I thought you'd never ask.  The Handlers, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to visit Walt Disney World.  And in case you're wondering...

YES!! WE'VE ALREADY BEEN THERE!!!

The only explanation I can think of for this massive oversight on the part of the Handlers is that The Nuisance has completely addled their brains.  They apparently have no long term memories that stretch farther back than Christmas of 2010.  Morons. 
 
Anyways, since I've already experienced the "wonder" that is Orlando theme parks, I was somewhat at a loss as to what to put into this blog.  Luckily, Handler 1 let drop that there are a number of readers who may be taking Walt Disney World trips of their own in the not too distant future.  Being a civic-minded gnome, I immediately knew what my duty was.  I will turn this blog, for the duration of our trip, into a tutorial for Disney vacationeers!
 
So, prepare yourselves, loyal readers, for Bo's Vacation Tutorial for Disney Noobz.
 
We leave on June 22nd, which makes this trip less than 3 weeks away.  We'll return on June 30th, which should give us 9 fun-filled days of Disney advice with which to fill these virtual pages.  You can thank me for my hard work later.