Bo's Vacation Tutorial for Disney Noobz - Part 2: We're Here, Now What?!

Today we're going to talk about what there is to do at the Walt Disney World Resort.  The first thing you have to know about WDW is it is big.  Like, big big.  Look, when entering "property" the first thing you'll see is this sign:

After that, everything you see, everything you touch will be Disney.  Even the things which aren't specifically Disney (for instance, the controversial Starbucks on Mainstreet USA) pay homage to the Mouse in rent and/or animal sacrifices.

As you are likely already aware, Walt Disney World consists of four theme parks.  First and formost is the Magic Kingdom.

AKA, the one with the castle.

 

Epcot

 

AKA, the one with the giant golf ball.

 

Disney Hollywood Studios

 

AKA, Disney MGM Studios....don't ask.

 

And.....Animal Kingdom.

 

AKA, the one with absolutely no dragons, despite what this sign may indicate.

 

Is that not enough for you?  Well, you're in luck, cause there's lots more to do at WDW.  There are 2 water parks, Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon, which are both worth at least a half day's visit.  There are two shopping/dining/entertainment districts, the Boardwalk and Downtown Disney. There are two mini-golf locations, Winter Summerland and Fantasia Gardens.  Here's a picture of the "playful faun" hole at the latter:

 

Get your mind out of the gutter.

 

In addition, there's two golf courses, the Wide World of Sports complex, the Richard Petty Driving Experience, horseback riding, bass fishing, parasailing, nature trails, all the crazy shit that the people at Fort Wilderness Campgrounds engage in, bonfires with smores, dinner shows, DisneyQuest, Cirque du Soleil, backstage tours, bowling, dine in movies, special events around the holidays and....well, there's a bloody lot, okay?

 

So how do you do it all?  You don't.  It's just not possible.  The Handlers have been here how many times?  Six? And they still haven't done everything they want to.  So really the question you need to ask is, how do I maximize my time to see as much as possible?

 

Suggestion 1 - Get a map.  The Handlers roll without a map, but they're what's know as Disney "experts".  Even so, they found themselves a little lost recently while exploring the "new" Fantasyland.  So, get a map first thing.  Circle your "must do's", and concentrate on them.

 

Suggestion 2 - Use the Fastpass system.  These are fastpasses:

 

Greatest invention since sliced bread.

 

The fastpasses have an hour long time slot listed on them.  If you return to the ride where you picked them up during the hour, you will be put in a much, much shorter line.  I don't know if you can see in this picture, but there's also another time listed, which is when you can pick up another fastpass, so yes, you can have more than one fastpass at a time in your hand.  In general, if at any point you find you don't have a fastpass or two in hand, get one! 

 

How do you get one?  Well, most high volume attractions and many of the character meet and greets will have a "fastpass distribution" location near the entrance.  Above the distribution point will be a sign showing the time slot being distrbuted by fast passes at that time.

 

 

Here we're using Toy Story Midway Mania as an example.  Now, most rides have fastpasses available throughout the day, but TSMM is an anomaly.  For some reason, people go CRAZY for this ride and fastpasses disappear quickly.  In the photo above, fastpasses are being distributed for a return time around 7pm.  This picture was taken at 10:30 am.

 

At the distribution point are a number of kiosks.  You put your ticket in and a fastpass will shoot out.  It's that easy.

 

Note: Does not require cast member assistance.  This guy was just being helpful.

 

Fastpasses do not cost extra.  You must return within the window of time printed.  You cannot pick up a fastpass using the ticket of someone who has not actually entered the park, however, you do not have to have all of your party with you to use the fastpass machines.  As such, you could send one member (perhaps a healthy father figure) to run to a fastpass machine and meet up with the slower moving family members at another location.  This is important, say, if you want to ride the aforementioned TSMM and sign up for the Jedi Academy (which should also be done early).

 

What should you use a fastpass for?  That can depend on a lot of things, however, anything with the word "Mountain" in the title is a good bet.  Anything that might be described as a "E-ticket" ride (meaning a thrill ride) is another.

 

Suggestion 3 - Know your "must do's".  Don't plan a vacation around doing everything and picking up favorites along the way.  Have everyone in your party express what they feel they absolutely must do in order to have a successful and happy vacation, then make sure to do those things.  The rest is gravy.

 

Suggestion 4 - Do character meals.  I know what you're thinking.  "I/my kids aren't that interested in characters."  Of course you/they aren't, that's why you're going to Disney World instead of some place immeasurably cheaper with cooler roller coasters.  Look, characters are awesome.  Sure, they're childish, but that's part of the charm.  You THINK you're not interested in characters, and then you hear the awed voices of twenty children exclaiming in chorus about how they just caught a glimpse of the actual Mickey Mouse...and that's when you remember why you're here.  So, you can stand in line to get a photo and a John Hancock from one of these guys.

 

 

Or you can pay a little extra, meet them in air conditioned comfort, and get a fairly good meal out of it too.

 

 

Suggestion 5 - Learn to deal with disappointment.  You cannot do it all.  Realize and accept this prior to your trip, and be zen about it.  Then plan your next trip accordingly.

 

Until next time, folks, have a Disney day!