Off to the Great White...errr....Green North!

Having finally recovered from our experiences in Kentucky, we felt it was time to tackle another road related adventure (albeit, a much shorter and less ambitious one). Therefore, beginning this afternoon, we shall be heading northwards to the city of Traverse City, which makes no apologies for being repetitive. I am told there are not-pink sand dunes there and brew pubs. I rather like brew pubs. This is to be a very play-it-by-ear trip, but we will be making a stop at the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lake Shore so that the handlers can squeeze out every dime they spent on their comprehensive National Parks pass.

Bo the Gnome Does the Derby

Hello again everyone, I'm back from my hiatus and here to tell you all about my adventures at the Kentucky Derby. Rain and thunderstorms had been predicted all week, but the weather was so nice all of Friday that we had some hopes the hurricane would hold off for a bit. However, we were woken up to the sound of rain pounding on our hotel roof the night before and knew it was not to be.

Given the stress of the previous day, everyone was moving a little bit slower that morning. Handler 2 was finally feeling a bit better, which you can tell because he was willing to take silly pictures of himself showing the sunburn he'd received the day before.


Handler 1, meanwhile, decided she needed at least one nice photo of herself in her Derby outfit, since she was probably going to spend the rest of the day under a raincoat.


It was certainly more dreary at the track that day, but people were still there to celebrate. Crazy hats were out in force.

And the racing went on in the slop.

Here's a shot from the famous Churchill Downs paddock showing one of the entrants having his tattoo checked.

And this is the Woodford Reserve Turf Classic, a mile and an eighth race on the turf for which Handler 1 made a pretty good call on the winner, General Quarters.

By the end of the day everyone was a bit soaked.

Also, frustrated. See, the Oaks had been crowded the day before, but today was very crowded. Not only that, but everyone was trying to hide under the stands out of the rain and that made for even more congestion. At one point, Handler 2 decided he was sick and tired of sitting out in the rain and wanted to get under some cover for a while. Handler 1, having just come out from the stands thought this was probably a bad idea, but she wanted nachos...so they went in search of nachos and never came back!

Okay, well no, they came back, but it was a near thing. After taking just short of forever to find and purchase the nachos, the handlers attempted to make their way back to their seats, only to find themselves thwarted at every turn. I'd say it was like trying to swim upstream, but that would imply that the crowd was moving purposefully in at least one direction, and this was not the case. At one point the handlers found themselves in the position of trying to cross the path of the mass of unwashed folks heading to the tunnel to the infield and found it nearly impossible. Luckily, a nice national guardsman saw that Handler 1 was carrying nachos and, stating that it was of utmost importance to protect the nachos, cleared a path for the handlers across the mob.

Thanks random guardsman guy!

This, sadly, was not the only annoying event of the day. After the 10th race, Handler 1 staked out a place for herself on the rail to take photos, and this is where things started getting nasty. See, there was nothing that said the rail places belonged to the people in the front row (who could, of course, stand on their seats). In fact, one usher came by and said that very thing to some people who were complaining about others (not just the handlers) standing at the rail. There were words, mainly between some very unpleasant people and one of the grandhandlers, but it seemed to die down after a while. The handlers started talking to some of the real photographers on the other side of the rail, the rain slowed to a stop and the sun looked to peak out for a bit.

This is when the badness started.

Handler 1 had been studiously protecting her camera all day. She'd taken it out only once or twice when there was no rain. She'd kept it under her poncho and in its protective case. She'd changed out her kit lens for the massive Sweetness under the cover of the stands to make sure everything stayed as dry as possible, then slipped camera and lens not only under her poncho, but under her coat as well. At about 10 minutes to post she pulled out the camera to meter the starting gate and the camera would not turn on.

It just would not turn on. At all. And right at that moment some other usher came by who had the opinion that the rail did, in fact, belong to the people with the very front seats. Faced with the double-whammy of a contradicting usher and a broken camera, the handlers headed back to their seats and Handler 1 tried desperately to get something to work on her blasted machine. Nope, nada. She tried different batteries, checked the card, switched the lenses . . . nothing worked! So, at that point she had to admit defeat and, with tears in her eyes not just from hearing them play My Old Kentucky Home, she deicded to make do with what she could using Handler 2's point and shoot.

She managed to find an empty spot in the first row of seats that afforded her a bit of a view (she wouldn't have been able to see anything from back where her real seats were) and managed to get these few pictures of the race:

They're off!

Into the stretch the first time we see the grey speedster Conveyance bounding up to take the lead from Super Saver on the inside.

Turning for home, and considerably more covered in mud, we can see that Super Saver has again taken the lead on the rail and is gallantly fighting off the 3 horse, Nobles Promise. Super Saver would, of course, go on to win it, cementing himself as a true "mudder" and winning a place in horse racing history.

After the race was over, everyone headed back to their cars, past the very muddy, very inebriated, infield patrons. Getting out of the area was troublesome as there was an accident on the freeway right by the Churchill Downs exit. It looked as though everyone was going to be late for their dinner reservations and so a call was made to the restaurant to warn them.

Dinner at Bourbon's Bistro was considerably better than the meal the previous night and almost (not quite) made up for all the bad stuff that had happened during the day. Handler 2 actually managed to eat something. Handler 1 got creme brulee for dessert (which always makes her happy). And the drive back to historic Carrollton was blissfully uneventful.

Quote(s) of the Day:

"I'm not sure the cool souvenier glass is worth having to suffer through another one of those atrocities." - Handler 1 on the classic Mint Julep

"I like the juleps."

"They're crap."

"They're just like what I drink normally."

"Then what you drink normally is crap."

- Handler 1 and Grandhandler Betty on the relative worth of the classic Mint Julep

"Well that was one of the most surreal experiences in my life. Imagine a public restroom, much like those at Michigan stadium, full of women in fancy dresses and huge hats, all carrying expensive drinks. I wanted to take a photo, but I thought that would not be well received."

"Imagine your nightmare scenario for this trip. Well, it just happened."

Mary Sue the Gnome Blogs the Kentucky Oaks!

Hello everyone! Mary Sue here! This past weekend I attended ladies' day at Churchill Downs and saw the Kentucky Oaks, the female counterpart race to the slightly more prestigious Derby. Here's myself and Handler 1 in all our Oaks going finery. Do you like my hat?


Here we are at our Churchill Downs seats quite a ways (3/16 of a mile) from the finish and the famous twin spires.

It was a beautiful, sunny day. And quite hot. Handler 2 was still not at his best and the heat was not helping. As you can see, he's not doing terribly well.

We met up with the grandhandlers, who had tickets with us.

In fact, there were a number of colorful characters at the Oaks.

Some lovely decorations around the track...

And on people's heads.

Even the horses got all dressed up.

In case you were wondering what kind of view of the racing we had from our seats. This was it.

And not much else. We could see the final turn into the stretch and that was about it. There were a number of temporary buildings erected in the infield that made it basically impossible to see across the track, and so we were sort of locked into watching the giant video screen behind us in order to catch most of the racing action.

However, the view was good enough to give us a glance at one of the star performers of the day, 2009 Horse of the Year, Rachel Alexandra who was performing in that afternoon's La Troienne Stakes. Here she is hooking up with Unbridled Belle who would, unfortunately, nip her by a nose at the wire.

There was some other racing as well. Handler 1 managed to get this pretty cool picture of a break on the turf track.

Then it was time for the signature event: The Kentucky Oaks!

They're in the gate.

Here they come, 5-wide around the turn.

That's Blind Luck, the eventual winner on the far left with the blinkers and the pink jockey's silks.

After a long, hot day at the track, it was time for a little relaxation and food out of the sun. We and the grandhandlers had reservations at a place called Furlongs. Its website made it look like a classy place, and the prices they were charging also implied fine dining. However, this was not the case. It...left something to be desired. And everyone's salads got left in the kitchen...along with the grandhandlers drinks...and...lets not belabor the point. It was a poor and uncomfortable meal. Worst of all, Handler 2, after suffering all day in the heat, could only eat a few bites of his bisque.

So, as a side note, it should be mentioned that Handler 2 had spent the past few days trying to find soup (apparently the only thing he could easily keep down) and consistently failed. The bisque simply was not cutting it. To add to his pain, it turned out that some of the medicine he had been taking made him "sensitive" to sunlight. As a result, he got a wee bit sunburned.

Handler 1, being a thoughtful person, found the closest store to the hotel bought some soup, a pyrex dish and some other accoutrements. She then made Handler 2 some soup in the microwave in the hotel room and he finally managed to have a good meal.

Tomorrow, Bo will pick the story beck up with his description of the...interesting...time everyone had at the Kentucky Derby.

Natural Bridge to Carrollton, KY (cont.)

Thursday dawned bright and early... or relatively so, anyhow. Handler 2 insisted that, although hiking in the Red River Gorge was originally his idea, he wasn't too keen on it anymore. So, instead of breaking out the backpacks at the butt crack of dawn, we instead headed upstairs to breakfast. There we encountered some very poor pancakes and a pair of aggressive squirrels defending their rights to the birdfeeders.


After being somewhat fed, we headed up to the top of the rock formation that gave our lodging its name: the Natural Bridge.



Yes, we took a chairlift. I told you Handler 2 wasn't feeling well.


The bridge was pretty neat, who knew you could find stuff like this at a state park.

Handler 2 . . .

. . . does not like.

After that, we hopped back into the Sexy Scion and headed north to Lexington and the Kentucky Horse Park! There we saw the famous statue of Man o' War.

This statue of Bask++ in the atrium of the International Museum of the Horse. . .

Ummm....yeah....there's a lot of statues at the Kentucky Horse Park.

And look!! Real horsies, too!

This is Cigar, a famous racehorse that Handler 1 saw in his very last race. He retired to stud and a lifetime of luxury and breeding mares. Until it was found he was sterile and so they sent him to live out his life in a tourist attraction, where he's paraded around several times a day to the polite clapping of appreciative fans.

The Kentucky Horse Park ended up being one horse too many, and we found ourselves in need of a stiff drink. Luckily, not to far down the road was the historic Woodford Reserve bourbon distillery.

We got to take a very informative tour of the site, and actually got to watch the bourbon being made, stilled and bottled.

Handler 2 decided to forego the free shot that came with the tour, and so Handler 1 was forced to take one for the team. Luckily, afterwards, Handler 2 was feeling well enough to drive. We meandered our way down the Old Frankfort Pike back towards Lexington. This is a very scenic drive that took us past a lot of very famous horse farms.

We finally found our hotel in Carrollton and gave a call to the Handlers' old friend Sarah. She was amenable to meeting for drinks, so we all sat around a sports bar catching up and watching some silly (meaning not UofM) hockey team getting their behinds handed to them. Handler 2 took a turn for the worse and it was up to Handler 1 to get them back to the hotel.

I'll be turning the (figurative) reins over to my beloved Mary tomorrow, who attended the Kentucky Oaks in my stead.

Natural Bridge to Carrollton, KY

Sorry for the abbreviated post tonight, folks, but the handlers kept me up late worrying about their Wedding Rings...wait...that's not what you said? The Red Wings? What, by Thor, does that even mean?!

If you ask me I think it was all the fault of that Sarah chick.



She seemed a shady character to me.

Anywhoo, tomorrow Mary Sue will watch the fillies race for the lillies at Churchill Downs. Me, I'm going to stay back in the room and work on perfecting my mint julep recipe.

Quote of the Day:

So can he/she even be neutered/spayed?

Louisville, KY to Natural Bridge State Park

This morning we dragged ourselves out of bed disturbingly early. Sadly, Handler 2 still wasn't feeling all that well, but we had a breakfast date with the Downs.


We arrived at the track and headed up to the posh Aristides room, only to find that we had been moved into the even more posh "Stakes Room". I don't know what the difference is between the two, but apparently it was an upgrade. We were seated at a table with a bunch of folks from Insight who were having a "work breakfast". They all seemed nice. Handler 1 indicated that breakfast was excellent (especially the french toast casserole with syrup and whipped cream!!!), but Handler 2 opted for a bagel, which he couldn't really eat. Oh well, at least we were able to get some cool photos...like the famous twin spires:


And we got to watch a number of the Derby and Oaks contenders work. Here's a shot of Mission Impazible, longshot winner of the Louisiana Derby.

Here's Endorsement, who unfortunately, came out of the work with an injury and will have to skip the Derby. But it was an awesome shot.

After we watched the pretty horses running around the track for awhile, we explored the stands a little.

We also took a turn around the Kentucky Derby museum, recently renovated after being drowned last August. We got to see a number of interesting artifacts. Oh, and this guy:

That's Chip Wooley, and if you just said "Who?", you're no worse off than Handler 2. He's the trainer of Mine That Bird, last years' Derby winner.

Having perused Churchill Downs for as long as its parking Nazis would allow us (just a note, but what kind of people make you pay $45 a ticket for breakfast, then charge you $10 for parking and tell you that you must be out of there by 10am?), we returned to our hotel to change into more comfortable clothes. Plus, Handler 2 needed a refill on his meds.

"Oh, if my dad could see me now."

Then it was back on the road, heading south to:

Mary Sue and I are on honeymoon!

Although we didn't embark on this adventure expecting to see lots of wildlife, we did get a glimpse of some wild turkeys.

For some reason, whenever the handlers saw one of these bird they just started mumbling something about "bad college experiences".

We grabbed some food at the Mammoth Cave Hotel cafe. Handler 2 was finally feeling well enough to force down some food, and ordered the chili. It had spaghetti noodles in it...and the less said about that the better. Let's look at the pretty cave instead!

See, wasn't that fun?

After finishing our tour of the depths we set out across the great state of Kentucky, through the heart of race horse breeding country, to the Natural Bridge State Park. Handler 2, being on the codeine, couldn't drive, and as such, Handler 1 was forced into the position of driver (which she rather disliked). Meanwhile, Handler 2 was thrust into the temporary position of navigator. However, after a while he found himself unable to speak, which made it very difficult for him to give directions to Handler 1. This resulted in him attempting to direct Handler 1 through the use of hand gestures and the holding up of fingers (to indicate the number of the upcoming exits).

"What is that supposed to mean?! You know I'm driving and can't look at you, right? One? Eleven? One hundred and eleven? Exit 111?!"

Let's not belabor that point. Kentucky, apparently, knows how to do state parks right. Not only does this one have some nice trails, a pool, and mini-golf, but the rooms have balconies.

There's a little dining room that serves slightly better than cafeteria fare, but it overlooks a promenade with bird feeders. The handlers spent dinner watching hummingbirds and cardinals. Their server (who Handler 1 thought looked like Jessica Simpson, Handler 2 disagrees) tried to get Handler 2 to try a bunch of cough remedies she'd used to help her own recent cold. Luckily, Handler 2 was feeling quite a bit better by then, so instead we all retired to our room for the evening.

Quote of the Day:

"Ziggy is predicting my chances of being well enough to hike tomorrow at 20%."

Land of Louis

So we made it without any mishaps to our nightly abode in Louisville, KY. Although the sign out front proclaims that it is the "Best" hotel in the "West", it seems fairly normal to me. We entertained ourselves during the trip down by listening to some hockey game or other. It wasn't a Michigan game, so I could have cared less, but the handlers sure seemed pleased by the outcome.

Handler 2 is still under the weather, but handling things as best he can. He had best get better soon, for tomorrow we kick off a day of touring with an early morning visit to Churchill Downs!

Quote of the Day:

Handler 1- Who knew there was a "plastic" outlet. For all your plastic needs, I suppose. And also, Jesus is the Answer.

Handler 2- What was the question?

T-Minus 6 Hours

Well, we're all packed up and ready to go! Unfortunately, Handler 2 is not feeling his best, but the show...err...adventure must go on! We'll be heading south from Detroit this evening to our reserved location in dowtown Louisville. Pictures and thought provoking blog posts to follow...

A small introduction . . .

I thought I'd take a moment to introduce you all to my darling wife Mary Sue the Gnome!


Isn't she lovely?

Bo Does the Derby

So the handlers tell me that we will soon be heading off on another road trip adventure. Although I'm assured that this trip will be less trying than our previous 17 day romp through the American west, I'm sure the handlers will find something to hinder our progress along the way. Let's just hope they don't get stuck in any more slot canyons.

Here's the itinerary:

April 27- Leave the great state of Michigan and travel to Louisville, KY
April 28- Have breakfast at the historic Churchill Downs, see Mammoth Cave, and bed down at Natural Bridge State Park
April 29- Hike the Red River Gorge recreation area, visit the Kentucky Horse Park, travel the scenic "Old Frankfort Pike", and finish up in Carrollton, KY (our home base for the next few days)
April 30- The Kentucky Oaks (with special guest appearance by my lovely new wife, Mary Sue!)
May 1- The Kentucky Derby!!
May 2- Head back home to the mitten state

There are some other things we'd like to fit in, time permitting (a bourbon distillery tour, the creationist museum), but we'll just have to play it by ear.

Oh, and by the way, I apparently now have a "faces-book" page, for which I am supposed to try and encourage "fans". So fine, I did it. You have been suitably encouraged.