Day 2 at Disney (also known as the day of least happiness)

Hello everyone!

You know, in my time I've come to realize that during every great trip, there is one day when everything goes wrong.

Saturday was that day.

We started the morning bright and early when the fire alarm in our room started blaring. After quickly vacating, the handlers discovered that there did not seem to be any other fire alarms going off in the building, and quickly determined that there was no actual fire. After alerting maintenance, and getting the damned beeping turned off, we started preparing for our day at Hollywood Studios.

Unfortunately, by the time our little adventure in fire safety was over, it was fairly late in the morning, and Handler 1 suggested we skip DHS for the Animal Kingdom. It was decided and we were off.

Note, if you can see, in the following picture, that Handler 2 is wearing his prescription glasses hooked onto his pink shirt. The handlers have a photo from a prior Disney trip which is known as the "last known photo of Handler 2's fencing jacket". This was to become the last photo of Handler 2's glasses...
For being a park that supposed to be all about real things, AK certainly does fake very well. Fake trees...

Fake mountains....

So, not too long after we arrived, Handler 2 realized he was missing his glasses. We immediately started canvassing all the local cast members, but no one had seen them or had them turned in by a thoughtful guest. We retraced our steps, but nothing. Alas, it seemed that Handler 2's Disney curse has returned. Figuring there was nothing we could do about it then, except continue on with Handler 2's sunglasses, we tried to enjoy Animal Kingdom.

Animal Kingdom is a smorgasboard for wildlife photographers, and Handler 1 was thrilled. The following is a sampling of some of the better photos she got, and she asks you to wonder what she could have done if she had Sweetness with her.

Flamingos are evil!!!!

Having seen most of what Animal Kingdom had to offer, we headed back to the hotel. We stopped off at Guest Relations one last time, only to be disappointed to find that Handler 2's glasses had not shown up. Resigned to the fact that Handler 1 was going to have to spend the evening at the Magic Kingdom leading Handler 2 around like a blind man, and that Handler 2 was going to have to take a taxi to a optometrist the next morning, we headed home with heavy hearts. Handler 2 noted that he was wearing the same shirt he had on during the handler's "subway" adventure, and it was decided that the cursed pink shirt of evil should be burned before anyone else got hurt.

The handlers took a nice refreshing nap back at the hotel, to prepare them for visiting the Magic Kingdom (which was open until 3 a.m.). And so, after much ado, we arrived at the central destination of our trip.


It was about at this point where Handler 1 realized that the special tripod she had dragged all the way from Michigan was missing its "shoe", making it unusable (damn you pink shirt!!!). Figuring that nothing else bad could happen that day, she shrugged it off and resigned herself to handheld night photos.


We arrived smack dab in the middle of one of the parades and, given that it was impossible to move anywhere through the sea of people crowding the street and video-taping the whole thing, Handler 1 decided to take photos.

Handler 1 begged to do a ride she hadn't been on since she was six, and Handler 2 humored her.

So, while the handlers were standing in line for Dumbo, Handler 2 was looking a little bit peaked. Handler 1 kept asking what was wrong and he kept blowing her off. Finally, he stated, "You're going to kill me," and admitted to not being able to locate his driver's license. So, after Dumbo's flight, the handlers once again retraced their steps, searching the ground for Handler 2's lost ID. They made it back to the place where they had eaten dinner and questioned the cast members there. Lo and behold, the ID had been found and sent on to central guest relations! Finally, something went right for a change.

Still, we're burning that shirt.

Next, the handlers said they'd take me on a fun ride where I'd get to see a lot of my kind of "people". I'm not sure what they meant by that, but I figured I caould give it a try.

Kill me now...

Even without her tripod, Handler 1 was able to get some nice parting shots of the castle.

The handlers stopped at Guest Relations and picked up Handler 2's photo ID. Then, as it looked like Handler 2 was going to have to get up fairly early to get his glasses replaced, they decided to pack it in. It was about 2 a.m. when we all left the park. Strangely, despit the lat hour, people were still kind of happy and were singing on the bus ride back to the hotel. That's Disney for you.

See you tomorrow, when we find out what happened to Handler 2's glasses.

Quote of the Day: "Racist Pumbaa is racist."

Flying to Florida

Hello everyone, and welcome to my family friendly, Disney-fied adventure to Florida. Our trip began ungodly early on Friday morning (4:15) as we quickly cleaned up, jumped into the grandhandlers' car and took off for the airport. This was to be my first experience flying, and I have to admit I was a little nervous.
What do you mean I don't get a seat?! I need a seatbelt!

Afetr several harrowing hours of hurtling through the skies, we arrived in sunny Orlando. Since we were now in the land of all things theme park, it was time to take our first ride.

In all honesty, I wasn't that impressed with it. Where's the magic Disney?

Rounding out our trifecta of public transportation, we hopped on a bus to our final destination.

Disney's Pop Century Resort.

We checked in, grabbed lunch, grabbed a nap (the handlers kept complaining about being "exhausted"), and then headed out for our first real theme park experience: EPCOT!

For those of you who don't know, EPCOT stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. How that translates into a big silver ball and a host of fake world landmarks, I'm not quite sure.

EPCOT is in the midst of hosting it's 15th annual Food & Wine Festival, and the handlers were eager to experience all it had to offer. We first had a reservation for a demonstration with the proprietor o Moonstruck Chocolates. He taught us how to make a carmel torte (not a tort, that's a legal thing) with chocolate ganache. We got to sample his creation with some sparkling rose'. The torte was wonderful, and the wine very good as well!

Afterwards, we went on some rides (one involved dinosaurs and Ellen Degeneres...I don't get it) and explored the park. The handlers also sampled some of the Food & Wine Festival offerings at the Greece kiosk. They enjoyed their little snack.

In Disney, even the sidewalks are magic.

Handler 1 had fun taking night photos, aided by the lovely full moon. She didn't have a tripod with her, but did okay. And she did get to use her new star filter to good effect!

Afterwards, we headed over to Downtown Disney, where the handlers were not fully able to not purchase souveniers. It was fairly crowded there, which gave the place a festive atmosphere. The twinkling lights and full moon helped too. We had to make a special pilgrimage to the defunct Adventurer's Club.

Sigh...reduced to a blank wall for the display of cheesy holiday effects...so sad. We miss you Adventurer's Club, Kongaloosh!

The handlers grabbed a quick dinner and decided to pack it in after their very long day. We look forward to more adventures on the morrow.

Only in Disney can you find folks in period costume rocking it out to Canon in D. There was also a guy with a guitar and a digeridoo...no, I'm totally not kidding about that.

Bo Does Disney!

Well, this is it folks. In just a very short time we'll be packing Miss Meryl and Gwen the Psycho into the Sexy Scion and heading south towards the quaint little town of Grosse Ile. It'll be a a pretty early morning for myself and the handlers tomorrow, so don't expect us to check in until later. Temps in the high 80's for central Florida...suck it Detroit!

One week to go!

My fantastic trip through the American West took a lot of planning, but ultimately was designed to be flexible, such that it could be altered as needed. There were very few reservations at hotels, and very little idea as to what we'd be doing or where we'd be going from one day to the next. It was free and frightening, and absolutely nothing like this upcoming adventure.

We'll be staying in a sum total of one hotel for the duration. We will travel very little, and only with pre-purchased tickets. We will attend a number of events for which we have already plunked down a considerable amount of change. Heck, we even have a couple dinner reservations set up. Luckily, Handler 2 shares my love of free range vacationing and has managed to curb Handler 1's more anal retentive planning tendencies. As such, we don't have every single minute of our vacation already planned out for us...just most of them.

And with that in mind, here's the somewhat tentative schedule:

October 21 - After the handlers finish their day of work, we shall deliver Miss Meryl (and her new partner in kitten crime, Gwen the Psycho) to the grandhandlers, and spend the night on the lovely island of Grosse Ile

October 22 - Fly out at an ungodly early hour, check into our hotel, not sure how we'll spend the rest of the day but the handlers have signed up in advance for something that involves chocolate

October 23 - Go to some amusement park...one that isn't hosting a hugely crowded festival of world food and drink

October 24 - Go to some other amusement park, but our dinner reservations are smack dab in the middle of a hugely crowded festival of world food and drink

October 25 - I'm told that today is to feature a huge skillet breakfast, followed by attendance at yet another theme park where I will meet this giant mouse of whom the handlers keep speaking of with reverence

October 26 - Another theme park. Seriously, how many of these things are there....really...that many...oh well, c'est la vie. At least this time I've been promised alcoholic beverages, specifically tequila, followed by Halloween trick or treating. You'd think the handlers would be too old and mature for that sort of thing, but you'd be wrong.

October 27 - This day we are scheduled to get up early and hop on a bus designed to take us away from the land of the great mouse...only to end up at yet more theme parks. No, you know what handlers, I'm beginning to agree with the grandhandlers here. This does seem like an amusement overkill. No I don't care that it has anything to do with those stupid Harry Potter books. Have you seen how those horrible wizard folk treat their garden gnomes?! It's disrespectful, not to mention abusive. I won't stand for it!

October 28 - Today the handlers have planned to visit a local modern art museum and take in the local culture available in Orlando...no, just kidding, they're dragging me to a theme park again. Apparently, they've signed up for some party where they get to drink and have desserts and watch fireworks. Handler 1 is all excited. I'll probably just be left behind in the room for the duration. Humph!

October 29 - Nope, the handlers don't expect to be sick of parks yet. How that's possible, I'm not sure. They'll be engaging in some food presentation or other today...I never thought I'd be bored of food and drink, but I'm getting there. Oh, and to top it all off, we're supposed to be having dinner with giant, mute animal characters tonight. Oh yes, this definitely sounds like a fun filled evening. Did you sense the sracasm there? No. Hmm...must not translate well over these internets.

October 30 - And for the final full day of vacation, you guessed it! The handlers are scheduling yet more theme park time. At least today will be broken up a little by relaxation with a traditional English tea (no, I'm not kidding about that...though I kind of wish I was).

October 31 - For the big Halloween finale of this trip there is to be one last (thank Thor!) visit to the big castle place and then a sad, long flight back to the cold reaches of the North. No matter how dull the trip seems to be, I never look forward to the denouement.

So, that's the basic rundown. Hope you're looking forward to the actual trip report as much as I am to experiencing it (there's that sarcasm again).

A New Countdown Begins...

Today marks the two week countdown for my next great adventure!!!

I've been informed that this time we will not be taking the Sexy Scion to our destination, but shall rather be relying upon air travel. Personally, I'm not looking forward to flinging myself willy-nilly through space...let along having to undergo the indignity of x-ray machine security scanning. I tremble with revulsion just thinking about it.

We'll be visiting some sort of magical kingdom ruled over by giant mice. As you may recall, I've seen my share of oversized rodents before.

The handlers assure me that it's the "happiest place on earth". All I'm saying is, if I have to put up with being stashed in an overhead compartment for 3 hours before being subjected to the oppressive rule of my mousey masters, there darn well better be beer involved!

Oh, there is beer? Well, all right then!

Off to the Great White...errr....Green North!

Having finally recovered from our experiences in Kentucky, we felt it was time to tackle another road related adventure (albeit, a much shorter and less ambitious one). Therefore, beginning this afternoon, we shall be heading northwards to the city of Traverse City, which makes no apologies for being repetitive. I am told there are not-pink sand dunes there and brew pubs. I rather like brew pubs. This is to be a very play-it-by-ear trip, but we will be making a stop at the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lake Shore so that the handlers can squeeze out every dime they spent on their comprehensive National Parks pass.

Bo the Gnome Does the Derby

Hello again everyone, I'm back from my hiatus and here to tell you all about my adventures at the Kentucky Derby. Rain and thunderstorms had been predicted all week, but the weather was so nice all of Friday that we had some hopes the hurricane would hold off for a bit. However, we were woken up to the sound of rain pounding on our hotel roof the night before and knew it was not to be.

Given the stress of the previous day, everyone was moving a little bit slower that morning. Handler 2 was finally feeling a bit better, which you can tell because he was willing to take silly pictures of himself showing the sunburn he'd received the day before.


Handler 1, meanwhile, decided she needed at least one nice photo of herself in her Derby outfit, since she was probably going to spend the rest of the day under a raincoat.


It was certainly more dreary at the track that day, but people were still there to celebrate. Crazy hats were out in force.

And the racing went on in the slop.

Here's a shot from the famous Churchill Downs paddock showing one of the entrants having his tattoo checked.

And this is the Woodford Reserve Turf Classic, a mile and an eighth race on the turf for which Handler 1 made a pretty good call on the winner, General Quarters.

By the end of the day everyone was a bit soaked.

Also, frustrated. See, the Oaks had been crowded the day before, but today was very crowded. Not only that, but everyone was trying to hide under the stands out of the rain and that made for even more congestion. At one point, Handler 2 decided he was sick and tired of sitting out in the rain and wanted to get under some cover for a while. Handler 1, having just come out from the stands thought this was probably a bad idea, but she wanted nachos...so they went in search of nachos and never came back!

Okay, well no, they came back, but it was a near thing. After taking just short of forever to find and purchase the nachos, the handlers attempted to make their way back to their seats, only to find themselves thwarted at every turn. I'd say it was like trying to swim upstream, but that would imply that the crowd was moving purposefully in at least one direction, and this was not the case. At one point the handlers found themselves in the position of trying to cross the path of the mass of unwashed folks heading to the tunnel to the infield and found it nearly impossible. Luckily, a nice national guardsman saw that Handler 1 was carrying nachos and, stating that it was of utmost importance to protect the nachos, cleared a path for the handlers across the mob.

Thanks random guardsman guy!

This, sadly, was not the only annoying event of the day. After the 10th race, Handler 1 staked out a place for herself on the rail to take photos, and this is where things started getting nasty. See, there was nothing that said the rail places belonged to the people in the front row (who could, of course, stand on their seats). In fact, one usher came by and said that very thing to some people who were complaining about others (not just the handlers) standing at the rail. There were words, mainly between some very unpleasant people and one of the grandhandlers, but it seemed to die down after a while. The handlers started talking to some of the real photographers on the other side of the rail, the rain slowed to a stop and the sun looked to peak out for a bit.

This is when the badness started.

Handler 1 had been studiously protecting her camera all day. She'd taken it out only once or twice when there was no rain. She'd kept it under her poncho and in its protective case. She'd changed out her kit lens for the massive Sweetness under the cover of the stands to make sure everything stayed as dry as possible, then slipped camera and lens not only under her poncho, but under her coat as well. At about 10 minutes to post she pulled out the camera to meter the starting gate and the camera would not turn on.

It just would not turn on. At all. And right at that moment some other usher came by who had the opinion that the rail did, in fact, belong to the people with the very front seats. Faced with the double-whammy of a contradicting usher and a broken camera, the handlers headed back to their seats and Handler 1 tried desperately to get something to work on her blasted machine. Nope, nada. She tried different batteries, checked the card, switched the lenses . . . nothing worked! So, at that point she had to admit defeat and, with tears in her eyes not just from hearing them play My Old Kentucky Home, she deicded to make do with what she could using Handler 2's point and shoot.

She managed to find an empty spot in the first row of seats that afforded her a bit of a view (she wouldn't have been able to see anything from back where her real seats were) and managed to get these few pictures of the race:

They're off!

Into the stretch the first time we see the grey speedster Conveyance bounding up to take the lead from Super Saver on the inside.

Turning for home, and considerably more covered in mud, we can see that Super Saver has again taken the lead on the rail and is gallantly fighting off the 3 horse, Nobles Promise. Super Saver would, of course, go on to win it, cementing himself as a true "mudder" and winning a place in horse racing history.

After the race was over, everyone headed back to their cars, past the very muddy, very inebriated, infield patrons. Getting out of the area was troublesome as there was an accident on the freeway right by the Churchill Downs exit. It looked as though everyone was going to be late for their dinner reservations and so a call was made to the restaurant to warn them.

Dinner at Bourbon's Bistro was considerably better than the meal the previous night and almost (not quite) made up for all the bad stuff that had happened during the day. Handler 2 actually managed to eat something. Handler 1 got creme brulee for dessert (which always makes her happy). And the drive back to historic Carrollton was blissfully uneventful.

Quote(s) of the Day:

"I'm not sure the cool souvenier glass is worth having to suffer through another one of those atrocities." - Handler 1 on the classic Mint Julep

"I like the juleps."

"They're crap."

"They're just like what I drink normally."

"Then what you drink normally is crap."

- Handler 1 and Grandhandler Betty on the relative worth of the classic Mint Julep

"Well that was one of the most surreal experiences in my life. Imagine a public restroom, much like those at Michigan stadium, full of women in fancy dresses and huge hats, all carrying expensive drinks. I wanted to take a photo, but I thought that would not be well received."

"Imagine your nightmare scenario for this trip. Well, it just happened."

Mary Sue the Gnome Blogs the Kentucky Oaks!

Hello everyone! Mary Sue here! This past weekend I attended ladies' day at Churchill Downs and saw the Kentucky Oaks, the female counterpart race to the slightly more prestigious Derby. Here's myself and Handler 1 in all our Oaks going finery. Do you like my hat?


Here we are at our Churchill Downs seats quite a ways (3/16 of a mile) from the finish and the famous twin spires.

It was a beautiful, sunny day. And quite hot. Handler 2 was still not at his best and the heat was not helping. As you can see, he's not doing terribly well.

We met up with the grandhandlers, who had tickets with us.

In fact, there were a number of colorful characters at the Oaks.

Some lovely decorations around the track...

And on people's heads.

Even the horses got all dressed up.

In case you were wondering what kind of view of the racing we had from our seats. This was it.

And not much else. We could see the final turn into the stretch and that was about it. There were a number of temporary buildings erected in the infield that made it basically impossible to see across the track, and so we were sort of locked into watching the giant video screen behind us in order to catch most of the racing action.

However, the view was good enough to give us a glance at one of the star performers of the day, 2009 Horse of the Year, Rachel Alexandra who was performing in that afternoon's La Troienne Stakes. Here she is hooking up with Unbridled Belle who would, unfortunately, nip her by a nose at the wire.

There was some other racing as well. Handler 1 managed to get this pretty cool picture of a break on the turf track.

Then it was time for the signature event: The Kentucky Oaks!

They're in the gate.

Here they come, 5-wide around the turn.

That's Blind Luck, the eventual winner on the far left with the blinkers and the pink jockey's silks.

After a long, hot day at the track, it was time for a little relaxation and food out of the sun. We and the grandhandlers had reservations at a place called Furlongs. Its website made it look like a classy place, and the prices they were charging also implied fine dining. However, this was not the case. It...left something to be desired. And everyone's salads got left in the kitchen...along with the grandhandlers drinks...and...lets not belabor the point. It was a poor and uncomfortable meal. Worst of all, Handler 2, after suffering all day in the heat, could only eat a few bites of his bisque.

So, as a side note, it should be mentioned that Handler 2 had spent the past few days trying to find soup (apparently the only thing he could easily keep down) and consistently failed. The bisque simply was not cutting it. To add to his pain, it turned out that some of the medicine he had been taking made him "sensitive" to sunlight. As a result, he got a wee bit sunburned.

Handler 1, being a thoughtful person, found the closest store to the hotel bought some soup, a pyrex dish and some other accoutrements. She then made Handler 2 some soup in the microwave in the hotel room and he finally managed to have a good meal.

Tomorrow, Bo will pick the story beck up with his description of the...interesting...time everyone had at the Kentucky Derby.